Families in Crisis

Families in Crisis – How to deal with Family Conflict

Solutions for Family Conflict

Family conflict is not unusual.  Families deal with conflict everyday.  While family relationships can bring support, care and nurture, it can also bring pain and heartache, especially when conflicts go on without resolution.  Some families deal with minor issues like arguing about household chores or unpaid bills. Others deal with major issues like having a child strung out on drugs, alcoholism, teen pregnancy or molestation.  These issues are so serious that some families never recover from the fallout.

How should we deal with conflict in the family? Some seek professional help, others rely on their faith in God and some give up and refuse to deal with the issues at hand.  The following steps are suggested ideas to help families resolve conflict more effectively:

*State the situation.  Be able to articulate what is really happening.  Resolving family conflict begins with truth. Don’t gloss over the situation.  A child that is molested by a parent may experience guilt and shame and as a result find it difficult to state what has happened to him.  Unfortunately, the need to voice what has happened will manifest itself in other ways.  Being able to communicate effectively is one way families can deal with conflict and resolve issues.

*Evaluate the situation.  Why is this problem occurring?  Know how the family conflict started.  This will require family members to trace the problem back to the root cause.  It is always better to go to the source of the problem.    

*Identify possible solutions to the problem.  The desired outcome should be to bring healing to the family and resolve the conflict. In some cases, a possible solution may be for a family member to apologize for the offense.  Pride is one of the major reason issues in families go unresolved. Refusing to offer an apology can cause tension and bitterness.  Someone has to be the first to admit that they are wrong. 

*Decide on the best solution.  Settle on a plan and follow through to resolve the conflict. This is very difficult for many families because it may be hard to get all of the parties involved to agree on the plan of action.  The offender may not confess to the wrong-doing; which could prolong the tension.

*Forgive.  Our willingness to forgive does not cancel out the actions of those who have hurt us, but it can liberate us from the torment of it.  Forgiving the offender can alleviate family conflict and put you on a path to wholeness.

Don’t forget, you have to deal with family conflict in order to solve it.

Children Need Families Not Baby Daddies

Children Need Families Not Baby Daddies!

Children need a father, not a baby daddy.  One would think that a national disaster should be declared when you consider that two out of every three black children are born to an unwed mother. Where are the fathers?  These numbers should be of concern to all, but our society appears to embrace the trend of single women choosing to have children outside of marriage.  Some would argue that as long as a woman is able to provide for a child and offer it a stable home, then she has the right to do as she pleases.  I wonder what the verdict would be if the child were given a choice. 

The results obtained from extensive research prove that fathers are a major influence on a child’s development; especially as it relates to individual identity.  How hard should we be fighting for the preservation of the family in our nation?  Obviously, we have not been fighting hard enough.  It was discovered that “compared to families with two biological parents living in the home, adolescents from single-parent families have been found to engage in greater and earlier sexual activity (Journal of Behavioral Medicine 17, 1994). We owe a lot to single parent moms who have heroically raised their children without the help and support of the fathers.  Some children manage to achieve great levels of success and appear to do well in society, but the fact remains that children do better in two-parent families. Society suffers when the number of children born outside of marriage increase because the majority of those families depend on the financial support of the government. We cannot ignore the fact that families matter and children need a father.

There are a myriad of negative forces in our world that would seek to tear down a person’s morale, so it is important that every child have the benefit of parents to look to for guidance and affirmation.  Core attachment abilities for empathy, sharing, caring and other traits that foster strong familial attachments occur during early childhood.  A positive and affirming relationship with our parents provide a visual depiction of the family as God intended.  Contrary to popular belief, families need husband and fathers, not baby-daddies.  One of the most important necessities for mankind is the ability to form and maintain relationships. Mentors and other adult role-models play an important part in the absence of positive influences.

Children need families and a positive relationships with both parents.  Say yes to the family and no to a daddy in name only.